AG + RS + VE + ML

Check it out in full at Issuu.com or read on for the embedded file. Be sure to let us know what you think!

(more…)

Everyone, Monday’s were just too hot to handle over here. We tried to make the best of a sloppy situation and pretend like we loved the day know as “Mon” but we can only get away with these fake smiles and lame party hats for so long. So see ya Krans, we’ll be seein ya over at blade or die.com

BLADE DIGEST #7: Moving out

It’s been fun AMallers, but I’m sure Juicy Hamburger is sick to digging through text codes each week for me. So, like a kid turning 18, I’ve got my own place.

Peace Sukers,
— Brian Krans

I am not quite sure what Kranz is trying to tell us with this one… Maybe he’s off his rocker, short on meds, or is saying something much, much deeper… Like he’s getting his own site soon. Or maybe It’s me. Well either way, it’s Monday and here is your blade Digest #5.

BLADE DIGEST #6: There isn’t much time

There is a revolution coming, so in preparation for either the apocalypse or just another week in blading, we cannot hesitate. We must move quickly or it will all be over before it begins. This will be short, but please pay attention.

No matter what, I am convinced the is the end of the world is nigh, and not the way many think it will come.

The Bible — you know that book that everyone makes quite a big deal about — says “And that no man might buy or sell, save he that had the mark, or the name of the beast, or the number of his name. Here is wisdom. Let him that hath understanding count the number of the beast: for it is the number of a man; and his number is Six hundred threescore and six.”

Maybe that’s 666 or 616 depending how you translate it from the Greek text. But if you look closely, there are other marks men carry that show their beastliness.

A black hole is forming:

Men — okay, one guy who calls himself “Mamba” — have dedicated their entire lives to the pursuit of truth. Against all odds, he has trodden through message board and website in search of his beloved VG Roots.

Rollernews, seeing the importance of such a quest, has acknowledged that hell has frozen over and all the souls that questioned our warriors quest will be frozen in vain in eternity.

VG20 Videogroove 20 - Roots part2 from The Blading Renaissance on Vimeo.

Check the history at: http://www.rollernews.com/videogroove-vg-20-roots-full-video_17352.html

An army is building:

For those not ready for the End of Days, there are elders — “old men” if you will — that are prepared to educate those needing the right skills to ready their souls.

But, despite how you think you want to prepare, there will be no tomfoolery on the wheeled boots without the proper protective equipment. If you’re going to meet your maker, it will be done wrapped in safe, protective plastic.

Scribes have told of this:

You must read the writing on the wall to know what is really going down.

Some are prepared to do what they must.

The body count will be rife with souls that have not passed the judgement for they will meet with the Warriors of the past to usher in the new era.

Be vigilant. Be cautious. Get a big gun.

Blade or Die (.com),
— Brian Krans

Ahhh, can you smell it? It’s that oh so familiar smell of Monday. Coffee left over from Friday, Possibly some old half eaten sandwich in my garbage can, a weekends worth of dust pluming into the air out of my computers over-sized fan from downloading all those wild e-mails, and the smell of wet blacktop because it’s raining here AGAIN. Well if anyone can turn my Monday around it’s gotta be Krans… RIGHT KRANS? LIFT MY SPIRITS WILLN’T YOU? 

BLADE DIGEST #4: Who Flung Poo?

Did I miss something?:

Really though. C’mon now. We’re bladers. We’re supposed to crank out edits and such for nothing but the glory that it is of being s#!t-talked on the Internet.

So who the hell are these people at Scumpire and A Chosen Few telling us that if you make an edit—where you and your friends are risking life, limb and ability to pee standing up—and you might have something to show for it? This isn’t the Olympics. But since people are willing to give away crap for people’s dedication to blading, it might as well be mentioned.

And one…

Scumpire MIXTAPE Volume 1… from Luke Bender on Vimeo.

Advertisement for Scumpire.com’s first MIXTAPE contest…filmed in denver…starring IAN Walker as the SCUM…FWHAT

And two…

CHOSEN FEW Challenge #1 from ACHOSEN-FEW.COM on Vimeo.

Seriously though, anyone putting money into people’s pockets or blades on feet, recognizing people who do things for what they love, deserve a standing ovation. Since we don’t have one of those handy, I’ll settle for a slow clap.

People have done crazier things for attention, I suppose. So is illustrated this week at IRollNY.com:

I’m not hearing any clapping…

Something we all know:

Duh.

And then…

Hmmm. That kid is from Eden Prairie, MN. Good work, gentlemen.

…and then…

Wow. Those are some exact figures. You’re probably on a damned fixie anyway. Steer your little handlebars around us because you’re cooler because you bike, right? Or are you suffering the pains of being caught up in something because it’s popular?

…and then…

NO AND THEN!

And in Japan:

Home ramps rule. There’s something about an obstacle your friend built while coming down off of something, off of the radar and on point with something that can get you killed. We’ve all dealt with bad coping, rusty edges and protruding screws all in the name of having a spot to skate without hesitation.

And that’s the way we American’s seen it. As usual, as with all things, the Japanese have us all beat. More specifically, the cats in Shimane have everyone everywhere else trumped.

Let’s all have a look-see:

Riiiiiight. So, there might be a few people out there man enough to tackle something like that. However, I am not one of them. Me and my girly little self will be sticking to things where I don’t have to bomb the equivalent of a nasty San Francisco hill just to get enough speed to clear something into a quarter pipe taller than most high schools.

I choose life. To the rest of you, be bold, be brave and above all, bring a camera with you so the rest of us can see you’re depraved acts. We love you for what you’re doing…you sick freaks.

Your weekly serving of Juuuuuice!:

Watch these, if you haven’t already. VX + Haffey = I’m calling in sick to work to shred the hell out of anything.

Act now. Quantities are limited:

There’s embarrassing things about having big feet, and, no, the ladies normally don’t mind. The thing that sucks most about having feet larger than a size 9 are all the prime deals that you miss out when people clean out their garages, such as the above pictured skates.

What else went up for sale this week on Ebay? I’m glad you asked.

A boatload of history, that’s what.

Just thought you’d like to know.

Sincerely,
— Brian Krans

Ah, yes… The inevitable Monday. Well it’s a good thing Krans is still with us and at Week 3 his scriptures are still going strong. Read the following and then go skate or something…

BLADE DIGEST #3: More nonsense

’I don’t understand the whole skating thing’

Ah, journalism. As usual, Rollernews had the scoop about a rail surfer or some crap.

God knows what the point of the show ‘The Young Turks’ is—maybe somewhat similar to this column—but the banter makes me want to shove wax worms into my ears and let them do their merry business in my gray matter.

For nearly EIGHT MINUTES, they hop on the verbal diarrhea train, spewing their self-professed ignorance of skating. That and it doesn’t help they start off the show with a clip of a blader, calling him a skateboarder.

There’s the guy in the blazer stating he doesn’t understand the whole skating thing because “shouldn’t they have broken their ankles by now?” The girl has a sob story of her favorite benches at school being abused by skaters. Then the bitching about skaters on the sidewalks, where we “belong,” etc. To continue with the Seinfeld-esque bitching, the girl even complains about bikes in her way when she’s driving.

God forbid anyone choose transportation outside of a car.

The voices of reason are the men in the booth. Why the voices of reason are not the people on camera is beyond me. One of them puts it best: “Maybe you’re just too sensitive, too fragile.”

Let’s just put it this way: The planet was lush and green when humans first inhabited it. Then we decided to pave a good chunk of it. Skating is a direct response to it. It’s called evolution.

Oh, and f@#% your bench! The Kelso brothers taught us long ago that benches were not meant to be sat on.

Your weekly serving of Juuuuuice!:

Soichiro Valo Pro 2010.. from Themgoods on Vimeo.

Soichiro Kanashima is pro, just in time for his new skate to drop. Love the hell out of the kid. Funny, happy, stylish as cucumber wearing sunglasses. That’s pretty cool.

Then, on the other side of blading, former Valo rider who’s now rocking some Nimhs, Gabriel Hyden has a completely different and feverish style for an interview with CO.Efficient.

COE Gabriel Hyden from gregory preston on Vimeo.

Wanna know what I like best of blading? No, you don’t care? Well, I can’t blame you but I’ll tell you anyway: It attracts all types of styles. Love the hell out of that. Diversity is cool. We could all be the same, but that would be dumb.

Tidbits here and there:

If you haven’t heard—which I really, really hope you have—Erik Bailey won Barn Burner. With his $1,000 check came a set of trust fire-fighting equipment and a set of K2 skis. Kinda sends a message doesn’t it? “I see you have skills. Here are some skis. You’ll be better off with these.” Then again, giving Bailey a set of K2 skates—or any other brand or a pair of skates to any other pros—would have been severely pointless. It’d be like giving Jesus a cross as an Easter present—one is enough, thanks.

But don’t worry. Kilgore would take those skates. That’s a different type of Jock Blading all together.

Adam Killgore - K2 Varsity from Adam Killgore on Vimeo.

Oh, and before we go get your daily full serving of tiny, prepubescent children in oversized pants doing all sorts of shenanigans to flight attendants, random girls in hallways and even a bird. Oh, the poor bird.

TB-TV: My Daily Routine Pt. 1 from ONE magazine on Vimeo.

Speaking of people who make clothes…

Rough week:

AJ of Vibralux and Street Artist has been going through some tough times. Not wanting to air his laundry here, let’s just say it’s been painful. But, as life goes, the most tough times are when some of the best wisdom comes to light:

Hells yeah. Now everyone buy some of his stuff to support that kind of mentality!

A little something else:

While the blading world waits for Mushroom Blading 2 to drop, those kids in Canada are having lots of fun playing with their balls. And here’s Todd:

Don’t drink the Kool-Late,
— Brian Krans

 YES, IT’s MONDAY!!!! And time for another installment from Brian Krans. Keep checking his weekly posts here on the AMALL blog for as long as it takes him to afford his own place (I know Ivan is chumping him on utilities so it could be awhile) WELLL, ENJOY.

BLADE DIGEST #2: Allergic reactions to flying monkeys

This looks like a job for…

Not since Monty Python has the idea of a flying circus been so awesome. As Johnny Knoxville so eloquently put about the NitroCircus, “If it’s a bad idea, they’re filming it and thank God for that.”

To get a good idea of what it’s like, imagine a group of people driven only by their ids who do nothing but shop in catalogs that sell nothing but things that blow up while playing a game of Chicken with gravity. Mix in a few cases of cheap whiskey, kegs of Red Bull and a handful of ball bearings and you’ve got an event even the biggest Redneck would lose his voice hooting and hollering over.

And how is this relevant? Well, they’ve got Haffey for the ever-popular Australian tour. You see, unlike the normal American who likes crappy sports like football, Aussies love things where people launch 70 feet in the air with nothing but a helmet on. You must expect something like that from a country founded by criminals. (Note to self: check into emigration status to Australia.)

But, while Superman himself will be doing what he does best, it’s no indication that the larger alt-sporting world has accepted us and our fruity boots. They’ve invited others too.

Scooters and pogo sticks, huh? Oh well, it’s still Haffey.

Here he is tending to a downed scooter rider who learned a thing or two:

And, according to those who have seen some clips, Haffey’s got that 50-foot Gigant-A-Ramp covered like Woodward and Bernstein on Watergate.

‘Did you just call him a piece of underwear?’:

While VHS copies of Mitchell Goosen busting out the sweet 1993-era moves might be harder to get than wood at a Reba McEntire concert, the Blockbuster-busting giant that is Netflix has you covered. If you’re a loyal customer, you can access the blading roots awesomeness at anytime you’ve got a computer and an Internet connection.

While many people might see the cheesy-as-hell movie as something irrelevant now 17 years after it rocked your socks out of your RB Lightning TRSs, there is still plenty of wisdom abound that’s still making people realize certain things about geographical portions of the US:

Your weekly serving of Juuuuuice!:

Whilst out blading this past weekend at a park with angled ledges, we were joking about all sorts of stuff to do on them ala-Farmer.

I’m not sure who said it, but he was right: “Some of that stuff in his new edit only he can do.”

If you haven’t see the Chris Farmer Xsjado 2010 edit yet, you’ve been doing your eyes a disservice.

Chris Farmer XSJADO 2010 from ConferenceTV on Vimeo.

The latest from the greatest.

Chris Farmer in California

By Brandon Negrete

XSJADO 2010

Dude in a skirt:

This month, Brandon Ballog and contributors released Issue #7 of Rollzine. And, as he says, “the stories are not about video sections or sponsorship — they are just about having fun.”

This issue has great editorials — along with the usual beautiful layout and photos — about what determines if a spot is “for skateboarders” and how, or if, we should be fighting our sport’s effeminate influences.

Check out the latest issue of Rollzine. It’s worth your time.

Something of note:

Congrats go to living blading legend and AMall rider Vinny Minton and his now-wife, Johana.

They did the wedding thing, followed by the partying thing. Everyone had fun. Well, there were some moments where AMall staffer Neil Chen didn’t.

It’s okay. He lived.

A parting thought:

Yes, the Dalai Lama is on Twitter. When the Tibetan leader and peacemaker has something to say, it’s worth listening to. After all, he is the latest reincarnation of a lineage of spiritual leaders chosen to be reborn to enlighten others.

Ah, all seems right in the world now.

Rock out with your respective genitals out,
— Brian Krans

We at Amall are proud to FINALLY introduce a reason to look forward to Monday’s (Well this Monday at least) As an interim host to Brian Krans’s infamous writings, we present to you AGRSVEML Blade Digest #1, so enjoy it.

BLADER DIGEST: A Digital Pulpit

A BIG THANKS to the Aggressive Mall family for letting me drop some text on their blog. If you think I’m an idiot, please don’t take it out on them.

ONE Skater of the Year:

There is democracy left in the world, but ONE Magazine’s Skater of the Year (http://www.believeinone.com/?p=596) will surely, no matter what, cause some controversy as if we were electing a president.

There is, without a doubt, a million reasons why each single skater should be on that top 10 list, each one repeatedly proving their abilities on a regular basis.

If the post-Bittercold fallout proved anything, there’s surely a way for people to wrap their minds around ideas that don’t make sense — especially rigged contests and conspiracy theories — only to fulfill their need to always be right, even when they’re amazingly wrong. I’m sure there will be some of that with the SOTY.

It’s awesome that a publication even has a skater of the year, but to people that will get their undies tied up in bunches over their head because their favorite skater didn’t win, just remember, it’s just a contest based on opinions. It’s decided by skaters.

So, if your boy doesn’t win, then there won’t be a neat little group to blame except for all of us. And good luck with that should you go shaking your fist at the skies at the end of it all. But don’t worry, the world won’t end.

The Empire Caesar never saw coming:

Out of all the random things I collected at Bitter Cold, a single matchbook surprised me. One side said, “Stay calm and blade on.” That was good enough marketing to get me to visit Scumpire.com.

Other Web sites have tried creating a community dedicated to blading where you don’t have to hear about people’s lover of the day, their horoscope, or imaginary farm, restaurant or anything to keep them from doing anything tangibly productive with their lives. By the initial look of it, Scumpire appears to be doing it right.

Two minutes — which THANK GOD, includes verification from an e-mail address to avoid a certain level of anonymous retardery — and you’re set. The gold in it all is for smaller scenes so they can create their own pages to get together and session.

But immediately I was juiced to join when I clicked the “News” tab and learned of a Haiti benefit blading/skateboarding contest Brian “BFree” Freeman and Josh “Gogo” Castillo organized for Saturday in Texas.

Bladers doing good makes the butter in my arteries melt. Also…hmm… two skateboard sponsors and 11 blading sponsors? A big THANKS goes out to all the companies supporting that cause.

Your weekly serving of Juuuuuice!:

It was awesome Rollernews picked up the edit below because after watching it I immediately thought… “Hey, that’s like…”

Taz Edit!!! from Stephane Julien on Vimeo.

…that crazy Canadian Mathiew Ledoux who throws down with the parkour/blading hybrid stuff. And a little-known blog asked a few questions of the man who turns some heads with his skating— http://efficiencyiskey.wordpress.com/2010/03/19/coe-interview-mathieu-ledoux/. Love him or hate him, Ledoux makes blading his own thing, which isn’t that the point?

Wait…but…Ouch, that stings a little

If you’re not wasting valuable company money checking humor Web sites while on the clock, then shame on you, Mr. Productivity. If you are, then CollegeHumor.com is a staple and hopefully you’ve come across the musings of Kevin Corrigan. He recently shared a sprinkle of knowledge on the Internet cupcake on his Twitter (http://twitter.com/kevincorrigan):

Sure, we could all get up in arms about someone, in essence, saying blading is dead. Then again, we all know better and that’s all that matters. But, at least he was funny about it.

And Mr. Corrigan also posted the following video on his blog. Maybe it’s leftover St. Patty’s spirit from this wannabe Irishman, but it’s a better message to those bent on spreading hate, rumor, conjecture, and disinformation about our beloved blading.

You know who you are, Little Lion Men. Listen to the lyrics.

WARNING: Below is what some would call a nonsensical essay about some lingering thoughts related to the infamously-beaten dead horse that is BCSDX. Should you skip it — and no one would fault you for that — then thanks for braving through thus far.

Our darkest hour: What BCSDX taught us about ourselves

The original T-Paine.

This year was long hailed to be the comeback of rollerblading. Somewhere, sometime, many of us saw the lull in blading to end, the most passionate, strong and dedicated rising from the ashes of diminished participation and leading the way to stronger numbers and even a more connected brotherhood of bladers.

The Father of the American Revolution, Thomas Paine, began his inspiring pamphlet Common Sense with the immortal words, “These are the times that try men’s souls…”

Rollerblading stands on the eve of a revolution — a point where weaker men will cower while adversity and tiring labor hover over them, while visionaries will stand tall.

When the Bitter Cold Showdown celebrated its tenth anniversary it was a legendary and spectacular event, but one marred by an ugly and bitter fallout. These words come long after the competition has ended. We’re all home now. We’ve seen the edits. We know the tricks.

I never thought I’d see Haffey, one of the best skaters the sport has ever seen, being booed by a crowd of people. I never thought I’d hear such outlandish and sweeping conspiracy accusations — the contest was rigged for various reasons including not wanting a Nimh rider to take it two years in a row, having Haffey win for a TV pilot and so on.

The judges I spoke with said Nimh nor television was even an issue. Yes, there was a split on who had first, with everyone in the Top 4 — Haffey, Bolino, Aragon and Broskow — could have gone home with the mallet.

But, while the crowd might have lifted Bolino on their shoulders, as I have learned with every contest I’ve ever attended, there will always be discrepancies with judges’ decisions. But you don’t know a contest until the edits are in.

Contests are hectic places, with skaters flying around everywhere. Even if you were there, you missed a lot just by the sheer insanity of everything happening at once. The judges, in their consensus, had more pairs of eyes on the comp.

In the end, the winner was Haffey. He took to the course in a way other skaters did not. He skated the park the only way he can — turning obstacles into ones bigger than they were designed for. Haffey delivered hammers and bangers, pulling his way to first place.

Afterwards, there was a fallout, including a call for a boycott of future events. I shake my head at that idea, not only in disbelief but also in contempt.

I firmly believe that while discourse will only keep blading stronger by challenging the norm, there is a certain kind of talk in the sport that needs to end. It seems that as rollerblading stands on the cusp of its own revolution, there is a divide against those who believe things should be one way and those accepting of what is.

What does our sport need the most? A little common sense.

Blading is strong because of passionate, hard-working people that prove themselves on a regular basis. People outside the industry — corporations, skateboarders, haters — can’t diminish us and that’s been proven repeatedly.

However, the only way blading will die is from suicide. The rumor-spreading, in-fighting, name-calling, back-stabbing and general lack of disrespect needs to go. Constructive criticism needs to remain strong so we all know where each and every one of us can improve, but when we stop seeing ourselves as a connected brotherhood then we all will tire and forget why we began skating in the first place.

This year can see the return of blading in larger numbers but only due to hard work and perseverance. It will go nowhere but fall into oblivion with rumors, hate, and disrespect.

But that’s just my idea.

Cheers,
— Brian Krans (briankrans@gmail.com)